I should not worry, but I do

It has been less than two months since I wrote about feeling so overwhelmed about graduating from college and entering a new phase that brings more responsibility. In fact, I couldn’t even bring myself to write about it.

I began my last year of college five weeks ago and I have not stopped worrying about what will come next. In these last two weeks, I’ve been unable to relax. The pressure is not external, though. It comes from my self-consciousness.

When I last wrote about my worries, I quoted Matthew chapter 11. Jesus said we could find rest in Him. If we just come to him, we can lay down our burdens and take his.

As I said last time, I don’t really need to carry all this pressure I put on myself. Yet, I still do.

This week in his daily devotional email, the campus chaplain wrote about the promise found in Matthew 6:33. Jesus says, “Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.”

I’ve read this passage many times and I always find some hope in it. Before this well-known verse, Jesus tells us not to worry about food, drink or clothing. He’ll take care of that. He’ll take care of our basic needs. We just have to prioritize him.

The birds don’t work endlessly for their food, yet God feeds them. Wouldn’t He take care of us in this regard? The flowers show such beauty attained with no work in their part. Wouldn’t God make sure we have clothing?

God promises to take care of all our basic needs. Jesus says, “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”

I can definitely agree with the last sentence and I believe the rest of it. But there is more to life than just the basic needs. I still want to have some kind of impact. I feel I was born for more than just having my basic needs covered.

This is where things get complicated when they should not.

If I can remember that my purpose is to be with God and whatever failures, big and small, surround my life really don’t matter in my relationship with God, then all I need to worry about are my basic needs. And if God will take care of them, I can just enjoy time with Him.

On the other hand, there is definitely a world that requires us to pay attention to what happens down here. A career is part of it, a family is part of it, church is part of it. These things bring stress, eustress and distress.

At the end, I know that if I prioritize God, I will have peace. Perhaps I’ll be able to quote Paul and say, “I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation” (Philippians 4:12).

Yet, I still I worry.

May God help me spend time with Him and stand on His promises.


I am flying back to Nebraska today. In fact, I write this as I fly to Minneapolis. It is sad to leave home, but at least I’m almost done with college. Life is uncertain, though. I don’t really know if I’ll go home after I graduate or what I would do there.

Last night, I thought about that while I had coffee with my mom. It was our last time hanging out before I had to go back to Lincoln. We talked about my siblings, taxes, and my life after college. Lately, I avoid talking about grad school or whatever else has to do with being an adult. Well, I’m actually okay talking about it as long as I don’t have to talk about me. The thing is: I really wish I knew what I need to do.

I can’t even write about this. And I won’t.

While I hope I can soon figure out what I will do after college, I need to remember Jesus’ words:

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light”‭ (Matthew‬ ‭11:28-30‬ ).

Jesus offers me a Sabbath rest.

Jesus doesn’t want me to worry. He’ll take care of me. I must remember that. Whenever I forget it, uncertainty overwhelms me. It’s a burden I don’t need to carry.

Jesus gives me rest.

Shabbat Shalom.