Knowing

Some people want to know everything. I am one of them.

I wish I had even a basic understanding of chemistry, biology, physics, engineering, calculus and economics. Then, I would also like to have some expertise in symphonic repertoire, chamber music, community development, political science, peace and God.

Perhaps I’ll acquire some solid knowledge in some of these areas, but I don’t think I can do it all, especially with the market’s current demand for specialization. The market changes and demands more and more of people. It pushes for higher specialization but also for a varied set of skills.

And so, we go on and on wanting to know more and never being satisfied. There is always more we can learn. In school, you are expected to gain solid research skills for graduate school. You finish college and you feel like you know only a little more than you did before. What you are really aware of is how much there is you do not know.

You may have more experience and feel like a 21-year-old kid who thinks he can write because he bought a web domain doesn’t know a thing about knowledge.

You may be right. I don’t know a thing. When I begin to think I know something, I am quickly reminded of how little I know. I mess up constantly. I fail quizzes. I neglect people. I forget God.

I don’t know what happens with all the data that enters my mind. Where does it all go? Why do I keep messing up?

Each day I feel like I know less. Things get more complicated and I drown as I realize I don’t have the skills required to survive.

Sometimes I feel like I have no idea about anything. It scares me. Knowledge is power and each day I have less.

Nonetheless, I’m still trying to gain knowledge, constantly reminding myself that it’s now about knowledge for its own sake. That’s futile.

I know two things: God loves me and He has a plan.

If I can remember that all the time, perhaps the moments of hopelessness I experience will begin to appear less often.

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