Yesterday, just before the beginning of the Sabbath, I began feeling uneasy. I read a devotional this morning that talked about those who follow God’s command and lead seemingly godly lives that might even involve preaching but are looking for Your presence to overwhelm their soul. I’m one of those. While I have preached not long ago and written in this blog regularly, I’ve been looking for You. I’ve been craving a transcendental experience with You.
It has been a long time since that time I really felt like You hugged me. I probably sounded crazy saying that, but it’s true. I felt Your embrace. Why can’t I feel it now?
Am I too worried about the future? Am I too busy looking into myself trying to figure out what I need to change instead of putting my eyes upon Jesus? Am I too tired figuring out what it is You want me to do that I neglect my personal relationship with You? Am I taking it upon myself to go from weak to strong instead of falling back on the One who says, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness?” Why is my spirit overwhelmed when I should “boast all the more gladly about my weakness, so that Christ’s power may rest on me?”
Just fill me with Your grace and love and forgiveness. Help me go from knowing to understanding and then living. Get rid of my arrogance and the baseless, useless superiority complex that so often makes me unable to learn from others. “Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.”
Lord, I’m tired.
Give me strength.